Share my life take me for what I am, cause I'll never change all my colors for you.

Well this is my first blog in almost two months so bear with me because a lot has changed. It also may have a lot of rambling in it but I am writing it with a particular thought in mind. When I first started blogging I was so...angry? at the world. Reading through my posts I go back to all those feelings and then look at myself now. I'm so much of a stronger person now than I was then. There's really only one person that knows how hard I've been working on being strong and they probably don't really understand it completely anyway. Reading through my posts also makes me angry at myself because I really made things out to be worse than they were. Everyone has problems and it's how you deal with them that make you the type of person you are so that makes me really dissatisfied with the way I dealt with things, but rest assured I'm nowhere near the person I was then.
Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about how much people change the way they act around certain people. I know we'd all love to think we're individuals that never conform, but I, for one, am very guilty of changing the way I act around certain people. There is a very small group of people that I feel completely comfortable around that I don't have to think about offending someone, or sounding dumb with what I say or do. This makes me think of one of my mom's friends who was diagnosed with cancer recently and given two months to live. He and my mom call each other almost every day now. Why does it take knowing someone is dying to change things? In my opinion we need to live our lives to the fullest. Life is too short, live every day like it's your last. Love as hard as you can without holding back. No one ever said life was easy, so enjoy the blessings you have. Not everyone in the world has them.
Sorry if all that is a little annoying, that's just how I've been trying to look at life. It works pretty well for me, so maybe it will work for you. :]
Anyway I'll try to be better about blogging. I just got the urge to do it tonight for some reason haha. And again, sorry if it was all over the place. :]
-Bridgett

I've got my memories always inside of me but I can't go back, back to how it was.

Hello my blog followers! It's been a while!
So the first week of school was...alright. Remember how excited I was for school to start? What was I thinking?! Not that it's not still good, I just put wayy too much hope in something again even though I said I wasn't going to. Another reason why I should learn to expect the very least from everything. My classes aren't bad, just stressful. I absolutely love how they decide to dump every piece of homework they can find on you the first week. It's lovely.
I started thinking about how different boys and girls think yesterday. I decided that girls are catty, jealous people and boys couldn't care less. Honestly, I try not to be that way but I can't help it sometimes. Especially when people stab you in the back...yeah...
I thought Dylan's last blog entry, about the letter thing, was genius. I loved the whole concept and the ironic thing was Elaine, with no prior knowledge of Dylan's blog, told me to do the same thing. She didn't say to blog it though haha. I think it's a really good idea but I have numerous people who I would love to write to, I just need to figure out which one. Heck, it might even be more than one letter. Or maybe I should just try to not let people get to me. Maybe my blog followers wouldn't be interested in reading a letter of aggression or self pity. Hmmm I don't know.
Anyway, so last weekend was really....awesome to say the least lol. I really hope I get asked to Homecoming. It's my last one! We got a new cheer coach, she's pretty cool and I like how she's not letting us walk all over her. We need someone like that. We also started working on competition stunts today! Sooo excited! :D
Other than that I've just been trying to stay focused. "Live from moment to moment" is what I tell myself every day. I'm trying my hardest not to let things get to me and I hope I'm doing well. Baby steps.
-Bridgett.

I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive, so I'm gonna start over tonight beginning with you and I.

First off, sorry if this blog is kinda all over the place. It's really late, I can't sleep, and I have so many thoughts going on in my head right now but I'll try and keep them to one topic.
So just a follow up on the whole not trusting people, I'm actually doing a lot better than I thought. I think twice before I say anything to anyone now and it feels good not to be stressed about getting hurt.
I keep getting told I need to stop trying to make others feel better so much and focus on my own problems and trying to make myself feel better. This is ending up to be quite a challenge for me. I'm not saying that because I see myself as an amazing miracle worker or a Mother Theresa twin, I just like helping people and if I make someone that's down feel a tiny bit better, well then, it's all worth it. But then again, helping people with all their problems is really frustrating. I genuinely try to give people good advice but I end up feeling stupid because I can't take it myself. Oh well, as much as people say I should only focus on myself, it probably won't happen but maybe I'll try to start taking my own advice. Who knows, it might actually work.
I said something to someone who will remain annonymous tonight that made me realize I'm starting to dislike the person that I've become more and more. I'm to the point where I could, honestly, care less about anything. That seems so contradictory from what I just said about helping people haha. I should say I could care less about anything that happens to me. I realize I don't have that much respect for myself anymore but that's another thing I don't really care about. I really wish I could shake this.
Anyway, I think this is where I will end but, really, if anyone needs my help in any way I'm always willing to lend a hand.
-Bridgett

So I've decided I don't believe in coincidences anymore. It really seems like everything is linked together and/or everything happens for a reason. People come into our lives and we may not even realize the affect they have on us. This is just my opinion, but there are some people I think about meeting and I probably would have been okay and just the same had I not met them and there are others that I couldn't imagine my life without. It probably sounds stupid seeing as a lot of friendships don't last after high school but I can name a handful of people who have shaped me to be the way I am now. For better or for worse.

I've also decided I don't really believe in ghosts anymore. Haha I don't know why I wanted to put that in here...yep.

So we started practice and it feels so good to get back in shape. Although I'm sore as hell, I like not feeling as lazy as I did in July. I was so happy because Greg came to practice today. I missed him soo much. I decided I'm probably going to order a new competition uniform because mine's too small. Apparently the company we order from goes out of their way to protect themselves from having to fix uniforms for free. It doesn't really bother me though, I pretty much knew this would happen. I might keep my skirt though. It's probably just my imagination thinking that it doesn't fit since the top is so small. The top is only like $88 so that's not that bad.

Little Avery is home now. It's weird to think he's almost a month old! I'm really happy that they all get to be home together again.

So, I'm not going to trust people so much anymore. I know I always say that and it never fails, I end up getting stabbed in the back in some way or another, but this time I'm really going to try hard to stick to it.

Well, that's all for now.
-Bridgett

Try saying that five times fast!

So today:
I feel okay. I mean, I don't feel bad so that's good, right? Even though I'm in heaps of trouble, I feel okay haha.

I hung out with Christine, Cameron, Jed, Dylan, Carlos, Sean, and Ezra last night. We went to Cameron's house, Panda, the gas station to get Cameron a slurpee, and then back to Cameron's house. It was really fun. I love hanging out with all of them. They are the neatest people and I'm really grateful they're all my friends.

Practice starts again tomorrow and I'm pretty excited because it's like the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. Also, I miss all of my cheer girls. I'm not lying when I say we're all a big family. I'm really excited for football games but not so excited for volleyball just because volleyball lasts for like five hours. Hopefully we can get the whole uniform thing straightened out.

My Grandparents are coming over soon so I guess this is where I will end. Thanks for reading.

-Bridgett

What did I do to make you say that to me?

So this is going to be pretty short.
Took my nephew to Jump On It today, it was pretty fun. Avery was moved out of the ICU and into enfant care, so that's really good. I got to see Ayden today, you can't help but smile when you're around that boy.

I don't feel like washing the window paint off my car yet.

Found out some stuff I pretty much knew anyway today, but previously knowing it still doesn't take the sting away.

Yeah...I'm feeling slightly worse from my last blog. So much progress right? Yeah, I know.

-Bridgett

Never extraordinary.

These past few days I've been feeling so overly pessimistic it's ridiculous. I'm sick of repeating the words "Life sucks" over and over again. They have no meaning anymore. I've been trying to talk to someone, anyone, that I think could possibly make me feel better but at the end of most conversations, I feel the same or, sometimes, I feel worse. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm whining and such, but it's like I said to Carlos today, All I do is pretend to be okay when I feel the opposite and I'm a little tired of it. All I do is lay in bed and think about things and thinking about things leads to thinking about this horrible summer and thinking about this horrible summer leads to thinking about the other times I've felt this way until it's a never ending cycle. How one person can do that to another, I don't know. I don't like feeling like this, and I would honestly do anything to change it. I guess time is the only thing that will heal.
But then I think about how selfish I'm being when my family is going through such a hard time. My nephews and niece are everything to me and I would do absolutely anything for them, so I'm desperately trying to end my little pity party and be there for my family. With that being said, prayers for my nephew's full recovery are still appreciated, and thanks to all of you who have previously offered them.

Anyway, I'm going to go watch the rest of Secret Life. Sorry if this post was a little whiny, but thanks for reading it?
-Bridgett

Here it is.

So (Christine) I finally started a blog, mhmm. I was a little apprehensive in starting one because I always wondered what I would write about and when I thought of things I didn't think people would be very interested. But why keep your sob stories to yourself when the whole world can see them, eh? Ha, I'm just kidding but really, it just seems like a diary that everyone can read. Oh well.
Anyway, since I had to get the tissue graft, (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's where they take the tissue from the roof of your mouth and stitch it wherever you need more) I've been doing a whole lot of nothing. I went to work today which pretty much sucked because I had two of the worst managers you could possibly imagine. ONCE again, my one manager told me I was easy(he was already supposed to apologize for it, but never did). I'm really starting to get sick of his crap and I usually just let it roll off my shoulder but it's kinda starting to get to me.
I've been thinking a lot about this upcoming year and I'm slightly nervous, but mostly excited for it. Every person that I've asked has said that their ninth grade year in Junior High was there best so, hopefully, Senior year will be the best in High School. It's so crazy though, after this year, people that you've become such good friends with, are going to be gone and you may never hear from them again. I don't like thinking about that part and I think that's why I don't like thinking about college. Don't get me wrong, I completely intend on going to college, I just want to enjoy what's left of my High School days stress-free but that probably won't happen.
Sara, my best friend on cheer, text me yesterday for the first time in sooo long. She was in Mexico so she couldn't text or call anyone. Apparently, she was pretty worried about me too, ha great minds think alike I guess. I'm really looking forward to hanging out with her this week. She's one of the strongest people I know and I know whatever I'm going through she'll always help me out. Hahahaha we have so many good memories together! "Let's get naked!" "Wooooooow, Really?!" "Pinto Beans!" "I thought she was going to say she was an effing man.." Oh man, too many to count.
So I guess this wasn't very interesting. I'll think of something better to put on my next one, ha.
-Bridgett